Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Reflecting on 14 months therapy, and a return to the stage.

It has been a long year. Maybe the most difficult one of my life. Career coming to a complete stop, and facing the challenge of a full recovery from Focal Dystonia. With this came great moments of realization, awareness and growth. 

At times it was nearly impossible to stay positive. The ups and downs so extreme made the urge to doubt myself irresistible. Then would come the breakthroughs, that I learned to ride as long as I could.

The fact is if you want to recover from FD, you have to accept how hard it is going to be, and learn to be happy with the smallest of victories. Doubt is an empty thought, with nothing behind it but your bullshit, and has no use whatsoever. See it for what it is. 

After my time with Dr Farias in Spain I continued to learn and apply what I was taught, and stayed diligent, creating new neuro-pathways though slow movement exercises and cognitive retraining, working the left and right side of the brain. I had a Skype session with Joaquin every two months or so when I would start to lose my shit, and he'd get me back on track. Mindfulness meditation played a huge part in overcoming plateaus and learning the patience required to heal yourself properly. 2nd only to creating new compositions. These new compositions combined the easiest movements for me with the most difficult, in order re-program the dysfunctional movements with fresh ideas. A musician cannot live on exercises alone. Inspiration is crucial. 

After making a new video demo in September(7 months in) I started doing limited, private shows, that went well for the most part, but there was still a lot of material I had to avoid. I had moments toward the end of the year where I was able to giggle to myself performing the most difficult passages as they were so easy. I realized how long it had been since I felt that way. It was liberating.

At the same time, I could seize up in the most easy material for no reason. My brain would simply go back to the dysfunction memories. Or I could be playing fine, enjoying the moment and my brain would still trigger the fight or flight response and turn my hands to ice. I learned to be able to ease out of these states in the moment, and was able to pull it off when I had to. 

By the end of the year, I was spiraling downward again, as I had many times throughout the year. It was even more frustrating as I had come so far. My guess is this is what takes out most the folks who start to make a comeback. It is terrifying to watch it go to pieces again, like reliving a nightmare. Again, maintaining your positivity, patience and faith in your ability to heal yourself is essential. 

I decided I had to maximize every possibility for peak brain function and overall health after throwing out my back over the holidays. A renewed dedication to health really turned things around. I went with a Paleo type approach to eating with moderate exercise, and took a few months off any alcohol consumption. I lost 30 lbs. My sleep got better. My brain worked better. My posture and technique improved. Everything got better. 

I started playing limited shows for the public and finally went on the road for back to back shows this week. I can't remember the last time it felt that good to play on stage. The few limitations I have left have been temporality replaced with alternate techniques that I can use tension free, while I finish off the last of my recovery at home in private. Much of what I played this week was better than I've ever played. I have so much to share now, I will be purging my soul onstage for a while from this last year's experience.

I've written 4 new songs, I believe some of my best work to date, and finished pre production for 5 pieces. I'll start recording again within the month with Encarna and various guest artists. This week we will announce our official comeback concert in Seattle with special guest artists. Life is getting good again. 

I plan to make a complete recovery this year through continued rehabilitation and pushing myself(in a healthy way) through performance once again.

I have to give Dr. Joaquin Farias proper credit once again. Without his guidance I'm sure this would not have been possible. His knowledge, wisdom, and compassion is such a rare find. His ability to convey this in a way I could assimilate and use to heal myself is even more impressive. I would consider him one of my most influential music teachers as well now.

Thanks to Dr. Selena Chan, who really served as my physician during this time. Acupuncture, herbs, massage and the overall health advice her and her father's clinic gave me were essential in my recovery. 

Thanks to all of you who have supported us in this difficult time and those who helped get me to Spain for treatment when I needed it most. Special thanks to Brett and Erica at MusicCares for their help as well. We promise to bring you all many great shows and recordings in the near future. 

Abrazos, Eric


PS, for those musicians struggling with FD and may have stumbled upon this blog, you are not alone. Never lose faith in your ability to heal yourself. We have an extraordinary ability to do so, and many have. In Joaquin's words: "We all have the power to get over challenging situations. In order to heal we must abandon the victim and connect with the warrior within. That could be the secret of recovery."

Monday, January 27, 2014

New Promo Video for Duet Flamenco

Hey folks, I'm surprised in my last long post Oct. '13 I did not include our new video that shows proof of my recovery. This was recorded the end of Sept. '13. My progress has accelerated significantly since then.

In 2 days I will be exactly 1 year into treatment. I'll be making a large post then. Keep your heads up my fellow musicians with FD. With all have the power inside us to heal ourselves. Best, E