Botox: not the answer to my condition

It has been 9 days since my diagnosis and first injection of Botox into my forearm. Though it is a little early to speak definitively on the subject I can say that I will not be doing it again.

First, I feel I made a mistake by accepting the consensus in the US that it was my only option. I must preface the following by saying I do not blame the doctors here, and am extremely grateful for the way they have reached out to help me. I was rushed in 3 weeks ahead of schedule and treated immediately. Their honest intentions were to help me in all ways possible within the context of their education and experience. 

That being said, the botox has now started effecting the wrong fingers, and the problem finger is still the same. My middle finger(right hand) is now having trouble keeping up with the index, and the index is slightly effected as well. The bad news is my middle finger is what saved me through re-fingering and allowed me to keep playing. My picado technique was my savior and is now dysfunctional as well. The good news is I will now be forced to rest, and to stop re-fingering which is known to cause further dystonia. It will stop taking effect after 2-3 months.

I've come to a few conclusions. This is not an exact science. I feel it is too much to ask any doctor to consistently pull this off without error. The idea of temporarily killing the very nerves that are reacting wrong to the commands of my brain does not make sense, and at best would temporarily cover up symptoms. This is not the direction I've ever looked when it comes to health care, so it does not make sense to start now.

Reflecting further on this thought, and discussing the idea with a very respectable physical therapist that works with hand disorders and musicians, we both agreed in theory(not by any evidence) that it is possible that killing these nerves that we are trying to re-train could further aggravate my condition.

And lastly I cannot get past the fact that 1 botox shot costs $1000. It makes me sick to think about it. This has nothing to do with our doctors and everything to do with our dysfunctional health care system. The priority is maximum profit, not the health of patients. The pharmaceutical industry in this country has a strangle hold on whole world. I understand the concept of recouping R & D costs, but I think we can all agree that Botox has made their fair share of profit.

This mentality gives me inherent distrust of our health care system and has always led me to more natural alternative and preventative care.

I am still taking a little more time to decide what direction I will go before I commit to treatment as I will go all the way when I do. So far Dr. Joaquin Farias has resonated with me most regarding my condition. A combination of motor re-training and understanding completely why this is happening to me. I’ll leave you with an excerpt form his book “Intertwined – How to Induce Nueroplacsticity”. I apologize for the spacing.  The PDF does not like copy and paste, which probably means I'm not supposed to. Oh well. This has me thinking in a new direction.

The hypnotizing ball

Daniel is a ping pong player, a member of his country’s national team. To the

surprise of his friends, he left his profession just when it was predicted that he would be

at the top of his career.

Daniel suffered from focal dystonia which affected the extensor muscles in his

forearm. Physical therapy treatments had provided no results.  His case included one

peculiarity: he was able to perform all the movements without holding the paddle. Even more peculiar was that he was able to perfectly perform the movements using the

paddle in the air.

As soon as a ball was bounced on the table, triggering the learned serve

response, his wrist extended uncontrollably. On occasions this happed so intensely that

he lost control and threw the paddle. 

This case can again be explained by association and highlights the importance of

context. A predetermined context existed where his reaction was learned and inevitably

produced a dysfunctional connection. These contexts could become so specific that,

varying only in small details, the system did not recognize the context, leaving it to its

own associations. All of the elements present at the time the dysfunctional sequence

was programmed should appear in a concrete order in order to create the spasticity.

In this case, the dystonia was not in his hand, but in the ball.

This clue can be used when designing rehabilitation exercises, always seeking to

establish control within contexts not associated with spasticity in order to later confront

the conflictive contexts, modifying details so as to produce less extreme responses.

STEP 2: RESEARCH

So now that I've swallowed the pill of having this condition, it's time to find out what is available in terms of treatment and long term care.

So far no effect with the botox, which I'm actually happy about as I've realized this is not the route I want to go. This simply addresses the symptoms. The idea of killing nerves in my arm and hand is too risky. I was looking to get better as fast as possible. This will now be a last resort after all other options have been exhausted.

Fortunately not all the rest of the world is obligated to think within the same box. Europe and Spain in particular have much more comprehensive research, views and approaches to the condition known as musician's focal dystonia.

Here are two places I'm looking into for immediate treatment in Spain:

Dr Joaquin Farias, Sevilla

Institut de l'Art, Terrassa near Barcelona


Another resource with lots of info including some of the doctors mentioned above and patient testimony.

A rock guitarist in Argentina who cured himself with the help of others:


Guitarist David Leisner, who also cured himself:


I'm sharing this as it is a working journal for my research as well as to provide info for any guitarists who are suffering from this condition and need another place to look.

If you feel compelled in anyway to look further into this for us guitarists, please feel free to email me your thoughts at eric@flamencoseattle.com

Abrazos-  E

FOCAL HAND DYSTONIA – MY GREATEST CHALLENGE

Today I received the most devastating news I’ve had to face as an artist. I’ve been diagnosed with Focal Hand Dystonia. FHD is a neurological condition that results in decreased fine motor coordination/control due to degradation of the representation of the hand on the brain’s somatosensory cortex. Though rare within the general population, it is more common amongst dedicated artists that practice the same fine motor skills for insane hours, years on end the way I have with flamenco guitar.

Basically the map from my brain to my right ring finger has lost definition and degraded to into loss of coordination, accuracy and speed. It simply is not working anymore as a picking finger. This has led to every technique being effected, and has created intense tension and pain throughout my body.

The truth is, I have been fighting this for 2 years not knowing what was wrong with me. None of the maestros I’ve studied with in Spain could see anything in my technique that was causing this, so I just powered through it with more practice. With FHD, this only compounds the problem. I had tendonitis and carpal tunnel symptoms in my 20’s and learned how to balance rest and improving technique to overcome those challenges. I tried to apply this to my ring finger to no avail.

The last year in particular has been extremely frustrating in a way that I’ve only told a few close to me. As a performer, your job is to make everything look easy, so I’ve been covering and masking these problems the best I can by re-fingering my arpeggio technique and relying on my performance ability. On this last tour things came to a head as the stress of my condition nearly shut my whole hand down. I could barely play my guitar by the time I got home. Obviously, my world has been shattered by this and by the diagnosis.

Why am I saying this publicly? Frankly, it's not really my style. As a performing artist, my privacy has always been important. My dear friend Chip Hanauer, the champion unlimited hydroplane racer was diagnosed years ago with focal dystonia in his vocal chords. He was unable to speak for 3 years before he was diagnosed. He told me that telling his story helped others get diagnosed and treated for the same condition. So I am going to share my journey with the public in order to help guitarists who may have this condition and have no idea what it is or how to deal with it. Every year I hear horror stories from Spain and here about guitarists I look up to losing the ability of one finger or one technique, some quitting altogether. I have to wonder how much of this is undiagnosed FHD.

THE GOOD AND THE BAD

This of course could not come at a worst time. I’m working with the level of artists I’ve always dreamed of.  I feel I’m composing my best music now and the show I’ve always wanted is taking shape and nearly ready to go. My wife has reached new levels in her art as well and we have opportunities in front of us for 2013 that we could not have imagined a few years ago.

Unfortunately there is no cure for this condition at this point, but there are artists who have overcome this through focused physical and neurological therapy as well as experimentation of botox injections directly into the problem muscle and nerve area. This has helped my friend Chip to regain his voice and live a normal life again. I pray that it will do the same for my hand. Today I had my first injection. In the next week one of three things will happen:

1. No effect, need to try a stronger dosage next visit with my neurologist. 

2. Things start to improve and I reprogram the connection on my right ring finger and build my technique up again. This of course is the best-case scenario.

3. Near complete paralysis of any picking motion in my ring and pinky finger for 2-3 months. While it would not be permanent, it would certainly bring my career to a screeching halt for a bit. We would then try again with a smaller dosage.

If this sounds horrifying to you, you can imagine what I am feeling right now. Guitar is my life. There has never been anything else for me and I’ve never considered another option.

I’ve given up everything for it. I’ve been poor, homeless, and hungry enough to steal food on my journey. I’ve had many failed/doomed relationships because the selfishness it takes to do what we do is too much to ask of any woman. All of this while constantly being told by the small minded that I should think about getting a real job or go back to school. I kept moving forward and never looked back.

Now I am 14 years away from the last shitty job I will ever  have to work at and have the luxury of being a full time artist. I can say with total honesty that the rewards of chasing your dream and living the life of an artist far outweigh the challenges I’ve faced.

But now comes my greatest challenge. Facing the prospect of losing everything I have worked for. As devastated as I am by the full realization of my condition I can say this:

I will overcome this condition one way or another. I will continue to compose, record and perform no matter how hard it is. I will find a way to be healthy enough to move forward, no matter how long it takes. I will focus on my physical, mental and spiritual health in a whole new light. While I do this, I will share my story for the artists who will face this same condition to hopefully help them find their way.

I thank God for my wife. She is the best thing that ever happened to me, and one of the reasons I will be able to beat this. I have a loving family and amazing group of friends that will be there for me, and for that I am truly blessed. The power of their prayers and support will help give me the strength to move forward.

To the fans and supporters who have been there for everything we have done over the years, I thank you for your support as well and promise the best is yet to come.

Sincerely,  Eric “El Comanche” Jaeger

24 hours in Sevilla

We arrived to our favorite barrio yesterday, ate at our favorite restaurant four doors down from our new place. Walked 3 blocks to our flamenco hang at Chiringuito to find one of our closest friends here, Paco "El del Compas" died from cancer 4 days ago. Que triste.

Paco was an amazing person. He was the first friend we made in Sevilla(see pic w/ Encarna) and was responsible for introducing us to just about every friend we have here. Buena gente indeed.

Paco showed us more about flamenco than just about anyone we've had contact with. He took us under his wing, showed every flamenco place and hideout he knew of and made us truly feel like it was our home here. He embodied his flamenco name as he absolutely owned the compas. Six beats and one jaleo and he could get a juerga started like no one we've met. His joy for flamenco was infectious. He recorded all the palmas for every Mártires del Compas CD.

In lighter news, we had a great day today, went to Cafe Spala for our favorite desayuno. 3.50 Euros includes a tostada con jamón y tomate, jugo natural y cafe. What a steal. It took less than 24 hours to get the slow Sevilla walk down again. Found new shoes and 2 outfits for Encarna as well.

Off to start the heavy practice grind again and start composing for the new CD. We're meeting up with my maestro Martin Revuelo to hang out and get caught up. We will keep you posted on our flamenco experiences here. Stay tuned for more. Un abrazo fuerte, E&E

Post gig depression cure.

Hola estudiantes. I recently wrote this response to a post on Jason Mcguire's flamenco forum from a guitarist who gets down after the long gigs sometimes. There are always big ups and downs being an artist, but there are ways to minimize your trauma. It's very simple, NEVER SELL YOURSELF SHORT.

I no longer do restaurant shows because they bummed me out too much after many years. But these are very necessary gigs for most of us who need to make a living. It is also a great way to practice. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it.

Whether it is a restaurant, club, theater or big festival, get what you deserve. A restaurant should give you full meals(off the menu not some slop they round up) and drinks every time you play. A club should give you what they have and give you a decent greenroom. Never take less money than you think you are worth. More important, never let anyone treat you like shit. It's never worth being someone's bitch.

What this means is you have to be willing to turn down or lose work to keep your integrity. I can tell you from experience that it pays tenfold. I'm a much happier person, I get paid more and always get treated well, because I won't accept anything else.

You also would be doing a great favor to your fellow artists. If none of us put up with bullshit, than they'd have to pay well and take care of ALL of us. For example, I won't do more than two 40-45 minute sets, because I don't think it is appropriate for the art form(my opinion) if you want a captive audience. Many clubs want us to be jazz musicians and it is not the same animal.

When I'm not doing bigger shows or on tour, I could gig 4 or 5 days a week if I wanted. I choose 1 or 2 because they are the only places that give flamenco the respect it deserves, and treat us and pay us well. Same goes for private shows. If you hold your ground, you'll lose half the shows, but many of them are not great anyway. You'll find you get paid twice as much and get respect because you demand it.

Hope this doesn't come across as arrogant, because that is not my intention. I just hate the fact that people think they can treat artists like shit and get away with it. We all deserve better than that.

So going back to the original post, sometimes you do just feel down after a show no matter what. That's life. But you can eliminate the many other factors that are usually the things that bum you out. Un Abrazo- El Comanche

Practice

Mis Estudiantes: Practice, practice, practice. Especially when you don't want to. Easier said than done, but it's the only obstacle between where you are and where you want to be. Speaking of, I'm going to get back to it myself right now . . .

Musicality, melody and the guitar obstacle

So I'm always learning from teaching my students, and I've been emphasizing what I think is a very crucial point in this whole flamenco guitar challenge. This applies to all music, but what I'm talking about is making difficult passages easier on the guitar and better for your audience.

Us guitarists easily fall into the trap of the guitar itself, as in the shapes of chords, scales, arpeggios and technique. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, would this sound cool if it was sung? Or on a violin? When you start looking at your falsetas and solos this way, you quickly realize you are playing guitar often, but not always being very musical. Because of the way the guitar is set up, it is easy to fall into this trap.

There are two reasons I bring this up. The obvious is that you should try and make your music sing, so when you perform, it gives maximum pleasure to yourself and the audience. After all, don't we play music because we love it?

The second is the technical aspect. Because flamenco guitar is so challenging, we spend countless hours on compás, technique, scales, arpeggios, chord changes, falstetas and speed exercises(all which are necessary). Even with all this practice, we still find many passages and chord changes difficult to pull off live or in compás without a retard. This is not acceptable in flamenco. So what do we do?

After you've worked hard on the technique, and are warmed up, try only concentrating on the melody and forget the guitar. I know it is easier said than done, but if you focus on hearing the melody in your head and your heart, the guitar will play itself, and you will make less mistakes because you are focused on MUSIC, not your hands!

So let's forget the technical advantages, and talk about music. What are you trying to say as an artist? How able are you to show yourself honestly as a human being(as Bruce Lee would say) and channel something greater than yourself if you are focused on the guitar? This in my opinion, is what separates the masters from the pros.

When you see Paco de Lucia, Jimi Hendrix or Stevie Wonder in their great live moments, they are not focused on what they are doing physically, they are making timeless music. This is the real reason we should look up to these masters.

The beautiful thing about all this, is it is the most achievable aspect of music. If you can find a way to give yourself honestly, no one can take that away from you, and it doesn't matter how much faster or cleaner someone else can play. No one has what you have. A lesser guitarist can blow away an advanced flamenco player with aire, spirit and compás.

Look what Kurt Cobain did with a couple bar chords and some anger.

I hope this is helpful for some of you striving artists out there. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts. Keep hitting that metronome, just give your self some time after to play some music.

Un abrazo grande -El Comanche