FOCAL HAND DYSTONIA – MY GREATEST CHALLENGE

Today I received the most devastating news I’ve had to face as an artist. I’ve been diagnosed with Focal Hand Dystonia. FHD is a neurological condition that results in decreased fine motor coordination/control due to degradation of the representation of the hand on the brain’s somatosensory cortex. Though rare within the general population, it is more common amongst dedicated artists that practice the same fine motor skills for insane hours, years on end the way I have with flamenco guitar.

Basically the map from my brain to my right ring finger has lost definition and degraded to into loss of coordination, accuracy and speed. It simply is not working anymore as a picking finger. This has led to every technique being effected, and has created intense tension and pain throughout my body.

The truth is, I have been fighting this for 2 years not knowing what was wrong with me. None of the maestros I’ve studied with in Spain could see anything in my technique that was causing this, so I just powered through it with more practice. With FHD, this only compounds the problem. I had tendonitis and carpal tunnel symptoms in my 20’s and learned how to balance rest and improving technique to overcome those challenges. I tried to apply this to my ring finger to no avail.

The last year in particular has been extremely frustrating in a way that I’ve only told a few close to me. As a performer, your job is to make everything look easy, so I’ve been covering and masking these problems the best I can by re-fingering my arpeggio technique and relying on my performance ability. On this last tour things came to a head as the stress of my condition nearly shut my whole hand down. I could barely play my guitar by the time I got home. Obviously, my world has been shattered by this and by the diagnosis.

Why am I saying this publicly? Frankly, it's not really my style. As a performing artist, my privacy has always been important. My dear friend Chip Hanauer, the champion unlimited hydroplane racer was diagnosed years ago with focal dystonia in his vocal chords. He was unable to speak for 3 years before he was diagnosed. He told me that telling his story helped others get diagnosed and treated for the same condition. So I am going to share my journey with the public in order to help guitarists who may have this condition and have no idea what it is or how to deal with it. Every year I hear horror stories from Spain and here about guitarists I look up to losing the ability of one finger or one technique, some quitting altogether. I have to wonder how much of this is undiagnosed FHD.

THE GOOD AND THE BAD

This of course could not come at a worst time. I’m working with the level of artists I’ve always dreamed of.  I feel I’m composing my best music now and the show I’ve always wanted is taking shape and nearly ready to go. My wife has reached new levels in her art as well and we have opportunities in front of us for 2013 that we could not have imagined a few years ago.

Unfortunately there is no cure for this condition at this point, but there are artists who have overcome this through focused physical and neurological therapy as well as experimentation of botox injections directly into the problem muscle and nerve area. This has helped my friend Chip to regain his voice and live a normal life again. I pray that it will do the same for my hand. Today I had my first injection. In the next week one of three things will happen:

1. No effect, need to try a stronger dosage next visit with my neurologist. 

2. Things start to improve and I reprogram the connection on my right ring finger and build my technique up again. This of course is the best-case scenario.

3. Near complete paralysis of any picking motion in my ring and pinky finger for 2-3 months. While it would not be permanent, it would certainly bring my career to a screeching halt for a bit. We would then try again with a smaller dosage.

If this sounds horrifying to you, you can imagine what I am feeling right now. Guitar is my life. There has never been anything else for me and I’ve never considered another option.

I’ve given up everything for it. I’ve been poor, homeless, and hungry enough to steal food on my journey. I’ve had many failed/doomed relationships because the selfishness it takes to do what we do is too much to ask of any woman. All of this while constantly being told by the small minded that I should think about getting a real job or go back to school. I kept moving forward and never looked back.

Now I am 14 years away from the last shitty job I will ever  have to work at and have the luxury of being a full time artist. I can say with total honesty that the rewards of chasing your dream and living the life of an artist far outweigh the challenges I’ve faced.

But now comes my greatest challenge. Facing the prospect of losing everything I have worked for. As devastated as I am by the full realization of my condition I can say this:

I will overcome this condition one way or another. I will continue to compose, record and perform no matter how hard it is. I will find a way to be healthy enough to move forward, no matter how long it takes. I will focus on my physical, mental and spiritual health in a whole new light. While I do this, I will share my story for the artists who will face this same condition to hopefully help them find their way.

I thank God for my wife. She is the best thing that ever happened to me, and one of the reasons I will be able to beat this. I have a loving family and amazing group of friends that will be there for me, and for that I am truly blessed. The power of their prayers and support will help give me the strength to move forward.

To the fans and supporters who have been there for everything we have done over the years, I thank you for your support as well and promise the best is yet to come.

Sincerely,  Eric “El Comanche” Jaeger